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Sex & Her: Stop Waiting On a Man To Explore Your Sexuality

Destiny | August 27, 2019

The sensually scripted scenarios of the erotic podcast, “Black Widow,” is opening the minds of millennials to more than just missionary and doggy style.

The motivation behind Black Widow was personal for its creator Eric Dizzy. He was once engaged and looking forward to marriage and building a family- but sex was a major roadblock. “We had problems in the bedroom. She grew up sheltered and religious.” Eric wanted to create a podcast that would help people of color explore different, yet healthy sexual lifestyles outside of the traditional man-on-top, lights off, bed-ridden scenarios. Clearly it worked. No labels. No stigmas. Just real sex for your ears.

Slut shaming in the black community is real. Have you ever tried to define what a “hoe” really is? Most answers are subjective and really judgey.  No one can agree on well-defined criteria of being a hoe. To some people, it’s having slept with more than 40 people in their life, for others it takes a lot less to assign that scarlet letter to someone. This podcast centered around POC was like a breath of fresh air to my peers and I. Never had we heard someone who sounded like us, talk about real life situations and recount stories we could relate to. Black Widow provides, not only a way for us to escape the madness of the day, but a connection to each other through erotic fictional audio stories.

With the first two seasons of Black Widow down, the plot twists and toe curling audible keeps me and thousands of others coming back for more on Wednesdays. After we were introduced to Keith, the deep voiced older love interest of the main character Jessica, my friends and I had actual conversations about being with an older man. “Give me a Keith” is what could be found in many different text message threads. Between seasons, Black Widow invited listeners to send in their own sexy stories to have them turned into a podcast episode, with live actors and sound engineering added. Could you imagine sending a story in and having someone reimagine the whole thing, adding names, voices and noises to it. I’d be lost in my own fantasy like I didn’t know what was coming next!

The podcast introduced me to some new things but more surprisingly, it showed me how inexperienced my peers were. I knew I was a late bloomer, but for some reason I thought my friends where leaps and bounds ahead of me. Social media pushes sex in our faces daily so subconsciously, I thought most of the people around me had done some super erotic things. After a few discussions that spawned from episodes of Black Widow like Eyes Wide Open or The Black Unicorn I realized that we all aren’t about that life. Kinky activities like having sex in an elevator or participating in threesomes weren’t so common after all. Shocking. I know.

Taking it a step further, this certain level of “sexual virginity” was something I’ve seen cause a lot of friction in young marriages and even led to divorce. I know a couple who got a divorce after about 2 years because the sex was boring for the man. The wife felt like she was doing it all and the husband thought she wasn’t doing enough. Having real honest conversations about what you do and don’t like can save you from a lot of confusion in a relationship, and life in general. Even if you aren’t in a relationship, telling your friend with benefits that you aren’t cool with your groceries being eaten is totally acceptable and can reduce potential awkwardness in the middle of a session.

At the end of the day, sex is a part of life. Married or not, you need it. It brings a level of joy to your life and studies have literally proven it to be a stress reliever. While you’re worried about someone labeling you a hoe, when they can’t even come to an agreement on the meaning of the term — I’ll be living my best life, making sure I climax every time.

 

Written by Destiny

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